Lara Croft looks great on paper. Rockin' body, sexy British accent, probably keeps a tidy home and would definitely bring handcuffs into the bedroom and swing you off the chandelier. if only you had one. You see, Miss Croft was used to a certain standard of living before she met you. She had butlers and 30 rooms at her old place, but now she's moved into your shitty modest 2 bedroom 'bachelor pad' in boring old suburbia and you can't shake this feeling that you're inadequate. Sure she could support you, but what kind of man would that make you? I'll tell you what kind of man. The kind of man whose balls fit in the plastic container that holds the toy inside your Kinder Surprise.

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