So Skyrim? Whew, yeah, that thing. Whoa, I know right?

It’s damn big, daaaaamn big, and leaps and bounds above Oblivion in terms of dynamic people and environments. The landscape doesn’t look copy and pasted, the dungeons don’t look randomly generated and the people don’t look like dolls. It’s pretty impressive.

But I have to confess, despite the fact this game is worshipped by me, there are short comings that I hope Bethesda get off their lazy asses and address for their next Elder Scrolls game. Short comings such as...

Fat people: The general body dimorphism in Skyrim isn’t particularly broad. Sure there’s a range of human races, plus two elf races, cat people and lizard people. But everyone has the same reasonably athletic build. And I know this for a fact because I strip naked everyone I kill and throw away their clothes (don’t judge me!). Sure there’s kids running around now, and old people who look reasonably infirm. But the general population all has the same build, where’s all the chubbers!?

Except for this guy, but he was in Morrowind

Climbing: For a game full of vast snowy peaks and sheer cliff faces (that are all too mother flipping easy to fall off!) Skyrim doesn’t allow your intrepid avatar to throw a rope around a boulder and abseil off a ledge or bare hand scale a rocky wall. Hell, fences slightly over waist height present a magical obstacle as you can’t even vault over things. We’re not after Assassin’s Creed levels of parkour skill here, but the option to climb things would be nice. It could even be a class specific trait, Argonians should be natural climbers right?

Banditry: It has to be pointed out that Bandits make up about seventy percent of the population of any Elder Scrolls game, there’s so damn many of them. It has to be the number one career choice in Skyrim and Tamriel. So why can’t we become one, join a band, setup a headquarters, raid the local communities, burn buildings and then run off with all the local women thrown over shoulders? Sure not everyone wants to be a bad guy, but becoming a bandit king would be a sweet option. And no, the thieves guild is not the same thing with all their stupid rules and sneaking around. Punish me for burning all the bee hives huh? Maybe I’m just TOO good at my job.

Being rude: When you think about it, your interactions with other people in Skyrim are very limited. You can speak to them, attack them or pick their pocket. Broadly that’s about it. The Elder Scrolls would do well to take a leaf out of the Fable book and allow players to say what they really feel. An aggressive shove, maybe even a threatening raised fist wouldn’t go amiss. Hell who hasn’t thought about flipping the bird at a Thalmar douche bag?

Crossbows: Or really any type of projectile weapon. There’s what, 200 years between Oblivion and Skyrim and no one came up with crossbows in that time? Meanwhile people are pulling steam powered robot spiders out of Dwemer ruins, but no one managed to grasp the basic engineering of a crossbow? Come on.

New weapons in general for The nines sake!: And while we’re talking about weapons, let’s get some more stabbing and beating implements happening, a flail maybe, or a spear, Dark Souls has me loving spears, maybe some throwing knives for stealthy kills.

War: Skyrim has a few pretty decent battles, the Forsaken prisoners laying into the guards during that Markarth quest was fun. But it would be nice to see some real war. A few games in the past have mixed single player actions with large surrounding wars, Kingdom Under Fire did it with a great deal of success and Viking did it with not much success. But I think it’s entirely possible to mix in some strategic warfare into an Elder Scrolls game. I know that’s a big ask with the technology that makes a game like Skyrim possible, but it doesn’t seem impossible.

Better Companions: It would be nice if the companions you had were a little more personable. A few canned animations, a few lines of random dialogue as you’re hiking the mountain paths. Just something to make them more than an animated mannequin. I often left mannequins, I mean companions, behind as they were more nuisance than assistance. Plus a little variety wouldn’t go astray, Dogmeat in Fallout 3 was a great companion, because he was a dog and I didn’t expect much from him other than to be a dog. Still, I was inconsolable when a Deathstalker literally swatted his head off. When one of my companions in Skyrim was killed I pillaged their body and moved on. I want a companion I care about so much I carry their frost troll pummelled corpse all the way to the coast, lay them in a wooden boat and push them out to sea, lighting the funeral ship with a flaming arrow and standing silently till twilight when it slips under the dark water. Is that too much to ask?

Coop: Yes, an obvious one, but the game would benefit immensely from having a few friends step through an Oblivion gate and joining your adventures. Or perhaps some DLC where characters can enter some shared universe dungeon and do some hacking and slashing together. Friends that slay together stay together. Another feature from Dark Souls that was surprisingly brilliant.

So, that’s my list of additions. Now does anyone have Todd Howard’s email?